Laineee Land Introduction

"I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of droughts and flooding rains.
I love her far horizons,
I love her jewelled seas.
Her beauty and her terror -
The wide brown land for me!"

I hate flying. I always have and I can't imagine anything ever changing that. And yet I find myself on a flight from Paris to Singapore having already negotiated the treacherous path from Glasgow, via that most beautiful of English cities, Birmingham. I'm exhausted - it seemed like a good idea at the time to take the early morning flight to Paris to fit in some sightseeing there on the way. Now, however, it's just after midnight (local time, whatever that is - I've already lost track), I've been traveling since 7am, and still have about 20 hours until I arrive in the promised land. In short, I'm knackered. And my extreme dislike of being in what amounts to little more than a large tin can travelling at ridiculous speeds in midair means that sleep is not on the agenda.

Even if I was relaxed enough to attempt to sleep, the two year old in the seat in front of me has other ideas. Between screaming fits, she manages to throw her Teletubbies playing cards at me just about once an hour. On a positive note, there is more than a little amusement to be gained from the world's most camp cabin crew - all permatan and toothy smiles.

Finally the flight is over, and after the smoothest landing I've ever experienced (although still not smooth enough to change my mind about flying), I step out into Changi airport. After the hideous, circular jungle of Charles de Gualle in Paris, Changi is ultra-modern, ultra-clean, yet ultra-cheap. Since in-flight food wouldn't satisfy a budgie, my number one priority is to find some decent nourishment. To my relief, I discover that there isn't a burger joint in sight, and I feast on a genuine Singaporean dish. To be honest, it might actually be the Singapore version of fast food, but it doesn't come with fries, and isn't a McAnything, and besides, I'm too tired and hungry right now to care. Now full, I have to think of a way to kill the remaining six hours until my connecting flight to Darwin - and I'm not short of options. I spend some time browsing the airport shops, although I stop short of buying anything - duty free purchases can wait until I'm on my way home. I also give the piano bar and the TV bar a miss - alcohol is the last thing on my mind. Instead, I head outside to the Cactus Garden (yes, this airport has a cactus garden). It's dark, but bloody hell is it hot. Not the searing heat you get on a really good summer's day, but a sticky, oppressive heat. It's hard to breathe, and there is a strange, exotic, spicy smell in the air, although this may well just be my imagination. I feel like I've arrived in another world.